What They Don't Know
by Hidden Heart 92
Summary: Faith brings something out in Buffy that even she can't deny. Told from Faith's POV
1. Chapter 1

**WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW...**

 **Author's Note- This is about Faith and Buffy's mixed up relationship, if you can call it that.**

 **It's told from Faith's POV and her thoughts on the secrets Buffy keeps, namely, her.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **I own nothing. All rights go to their respective owners.**

 **ONE**

I didn't mean for this to happen and I'm pretty sure blondie wasn't expecting it either.

It's my thing, I tease, I flirt and I see how much they can take. I never expected B to fall for it so hard but she did and here we are.

Maybe I should take you back to when it all started, God knows I do it everyday, trying to figure out how we got here...

B was telling me about Scott Hope. He was the sweet, kind guy who Buffy had her eye on but just didn't have the guts to do anything about it. He was cute but not my type. Buffy's? Definitely!

"So, you and Scott. How's that goin'?" I asked as we patrolled together.

B and I had gotten pretty close over the past few months and I felt comfortable talking to her like this. It was nice. I was used to being the loner and to have someone to talk to, who could understand me, it was refreshing.

"It's not." The blonde replied with a grimace.

"But you want it to." I noted with a smirk.

The blonde blushed and gave me a small smile.

"I don't know..."

I pushed the issue, I always did.

"Oh come on, B! Tell me that when he smiles at you, you don't feel that electric tingle down there." I challenged, glancing down.

It made her blush harder and she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

God we were so different! She was innocent, cute and blonde and I was risky, sensual and dark but it worked, we worked.

"Faith, this is-"

I stopped walking and turned to look at her.

"What? Making you uncomfortable?"

Buffy nodded slightly and I licked my lips, feeling a little foolish.

The girl couldn't do girl talk, ok, fair enough. I backed off, even though it wasn't my style at all but with B, I felt I should be a bit more respectful; maybe it was because she was a Slayer like me or maybe it was something else.

I frowned a little at the thought, trying to ignore it.

Buffy caught it though.

"You ok?" She asked.

I forced a smile.

"Five by five."

"Where are all the vamps tonight, huh?" Buffy said but her tone was shaky, she was trying to change the subject.

Ok, I'll play.

"Um yeah, it's dead. Listen, why don't you go home, study or whatever, I can finish up here."

To be honest, I needed to be away from her. She keeps shutting me out and I can't handle it, not when I'm so used to being on my own and I've actually decided to make friends with the Sunnydale Princess. It hurts.

"Are you sure? I mean, I can stay if-"

"No, I got it. Go home." I know my tone was hard but she was showing concern and I'm not buying it.

She gave me a quick look and then nodded.

"Ok...I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."

I nodded.

"Sure. Later."

I walked off first, in case she changed her mind and decided to stay or maybe she'd get me to open up and I sure as hell wasn't gonna do that!

I walked the rest of the cemetery, finding nothing, which was annoying as fuck 'cause I really needed to blow off some steam.

Maybe I could go to the Bronze, hook up with someone hot, bring them back to the motel, have my way and then make sure they left before morning.

None of them stayed, I didn't want them to.

It was strictly, get some, get gone. I lived by that and I hadn't got my heart broken yet.

The next night, Buffy was still a little stiff but I was ready to cut loose. I wouldn't wait anymore.

I gestured with my head to the cemetery gates.

"It's dead again tonight, how about we hit the Bronze?"

Buffy's eyes darted from me to the gates, then back again.

"Like, go dancing?"

I raised an eyebrow at the other Slayer.

"Nah, B. I was thinking we could take our knitting needles there and knit scraves for the band."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"Ok Miss Sarcasm, I get it."

I shrugged.

"So? You wanna let loose or what?" I know I was being a bit quick but I had to do something to get rid of this pent up energy.

A small smile crossed Buffy's lips.

"Yeah. I'm in."

The Bronze was crowded and we were surrounded by boys, all of them trying to cop a feel and sometimes I let them but when they started going in too close to touch B, I stepped up when I saw how uncomfortable she was.

"Hey, buddy! I don't think she wants you drooling all over her!" I called over the music.

He grinned as he started to grind into Buffy's ass, his hands planted firmly on her hips.

"Oh yeah? I think she likes it."

I knew B wouldn't do anything, she was shocked and he was human. She had a thing about hurting humans. I didn't.

I acted like I didn't care, dancing closer and closer until Buffy was sandwiched between us.

The loser grinned when I draped my arms around Buffy's neck.

B blushed again.

I beckoned the guy to come closer, to meet me over B's shoulder, he did and that was when I thrust the heel of my hand up and into his nose.

He stumbled backwards, blood gushing from his nose.

His eyes were watering or he could've been crying. I didn't care much either way.

Buffy's eyes widened and so did mine when I saw her turn and nearly drop to her knees beside him.

I grabbed her arm before she had a chance and dragged her out of the club.

"Faith! You can't just do that to people!" She shouted, anger brimming in those hazel eyes.

"What? Save you from some loser?"

"He's human!"

"So I can't protect you from him?!"

"I don't need protecting!"

"Well, clearly you do because that guy nearly had his dick in your ass and you wasn't doing a damn thing to stop him!"

"I-I was shocked!"

"Hence why I hit him!" I shouted, my eyes widening even more.

We both went into stony silence and then suddenly for some insane reason, we both started laughing.

When we'd calmed down, B looked at me and then up at the sky.

"It's still early, wanna patrol some more?"

I nodded and followed her lead as we headed for Restfield cemetery.

Don't get me wrong, I was fine with B but I still felt as though I had some unreleased tension and once again, the vamps weren't playing ball tonight.

B sighed, looking up at the moon.

"Do you wonder if we'll ever get to live a normal life? Like, y'know, family, kids, a proper job, maybe even a pet?"

I gave her a small frown. I didn't really like to think about the future, except when she was around. I mentally kicked myself to stop those stupid thoughts and focused on my answer.

"Nah, not really. Just like to live one day to the next."

Buffy shrugged, then it was like she had remembered something.

"I never said thank you."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"For what?"

"For defending me against that loser. I know we argued that he was human but still...you were looking out for me. Thank you." Buffy said with a small smile.

I couldn't help but return that same smile and I nodded.

"You're welcome."

God what was wrong with me?! Normally, I would've shrugged it off or said something like, 'don't sweat it', but here I was actually acknowledging the fact that she'd said thank you.

We walked for a little while until eventually she turned to me.

"I think maybe we should call it a night. The vamps have obviously heard about you and have gone into hiding." She said with a grin.

I looked down at my boots, hiding the stupid smile that I knew was coming.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Faith, I was only joking." She said, a small frown of confusion coming to her face.

I said nothing.

"Are you ok?" She asked instead.

I shrugged.

"Sure. It's just if I don't get in a good staking, I start to feel all...I dunno, antsy? Is that the word?"

Buffy nodded as I rolled my shoulders and scratched at my back as though the idea of not slaying at all was making me physically itchy.

"Yeah I get what you mean. I guess I'll go home and try to get some sleep."

I sighed. I wished it was that easy for me but I knew it wouldn't be.

I also knew what I had to do and the longer I left it, I knew there wouldn't be many more options to choose from.

I nodded and pocketed my stake.

"Sure. I'm gonna head back now too. See you tomorrow?"

Buffy nodded with a small smile.

"Sure. Maybe we can hit the other cemetery tomorrow, change the game a bit?"

I nodded.

"Sounds like a plan. Catch ya later."

Buffy gave me a small wave and then we parted ways.

She went home and me? I went back to the Bronze...

I watched the people for a while until I spotted a guy dancing really close to a girl that clearly wasn't his girlfriend. He was pushing his luck as she was pushing him away.

I stared at him until he looked my way, then I gave him a small, flirtatious smile then walked slowly into the alley, knowing full well that he would follow me.

Within minutes, he was standing behind me as I faced the wall.

"Hey." He said.

I turned around and sauntered up to him, taking charge and claiming his lips with my own.

He kissed me back and it didn't take long before I felt him get hard.

He grinned against my mouth and I helped him with his zipper as he helped me with mine.

The next thing I knew, he was lifting me up and slamming into me.

I hissed and clenched my teeth as my back hit the wall and he fucked me harder than I thought he would. I needed it though, so I went with it, holding onto him and giving as good as I got.

He came very quickly and I was almost disappointed with how quickly it was over.

I needed someone that could go for hours and he seemed to last maybe minutes?

Dammit, I used to be good at picking out the ones with stamina, maybe I was losing my touch.

 _Yeah, or maybe a certain blonde is occupying your mind._

I rolled my eyes as he stepped back and grinned at me.

"That was amazing." He told me.

I raised an eyebrow and zipped myself up.

"Was it?"

"Didn't you feel it?"

"Oh I felt it and then I didn't. Sorry honey, but I've had better."

I then walked away from him.

Guess I would have to finish myself off back home.

The next night, B and I were patrolling. It was driving me crazy being around her and I didn't know how much longer I could take this. So one night, I decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.

"Buffy...I need to tell you something." I started.

She turned and smiled at me.

"Sure. You ok?"

I nodded but then a vamp behind her made me forget what I'd been about to say.

"Yeah. There's a vampire behind you."

She spun and as one, we fought the vampire back but he wasn't alone and three more appeared. We fought them and they were strong, it felt like a bit of a challenge but then we had had two nights with no vamp activity so maybe we'd grown lazy and this was karma. Not that I believed in that... most times.

We managed to dust one and then B was shoved to the ground by another.

"Buffy!"

I ran but his friend barged into me and knocked me to the ground too.

I dusted him quickly then the remaining one looked, didn't like his odds, and ran off.

I ran over and jumped onto the back of the vampire as I brought my stake down, turning him to dust.

He crumbled beneath me and when I opened my eyes, I was in his place, straddling B.

She looked up at me, eyes all wide and innocent.

I stayed where I was, not quite sure what to do because she didn't seem to move either.

We were both breathing hard from the fight and I frowned deeply as I made a decision that would either get me what I wanted or a black eye.

Hey, if you didn't try, you wouldn't know, right?

I leant down and kissed her. It was a little hard and I waited to see if she returned it.

Nothing.

I started to pull away when I felt her hand in my hair and she was holding me to her.

I kissed her again and this time, she returned it.

When I pulled back, brushing her hair out of her eyes, she looked up at me, a slightly panicked expression on her face.

"Faith...what are we doing?" She whispered.

I grinned down at her.

"Well, what do you want to do?"

She frowned a little and I felt her move beneath me, trying to sit up, so I let her.

She was resting back on her elbows as I still straddled her.

"Faith, this is wrong. We shouldn't-"

I wasn't about to let her chicken out of this. She wanted it, I knew she did.

"Shouldn't what? Come on, B. Tell me you don't want this. I dare you."

She licked her lips, looking up at me.

"I don't-I mean, I'm not-"

"Gay?"

She nodded.

I grinned.

"Who says I am?"

This caused her frown to deepen.

"Uh, this. The kiss." She said, gesturing to where we were.

I licked my lips and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Let's just say...I'm fluid. Last night, I was fucking a guy, tonight, I'm kissing you."

She shook her head, just to clear the confusion, I guess.

"So what do you want?" B asked me hesitantly.

"I want you, baby." I told her honestly.

I knew what she was thinking, so I made it easy for her.

"Hey, B. It doesn't have to mean anything if this is something you want to try. Tonight, it's just us. Tomorrow, you can go back to being Saint Slayer with her merry band of followers and we'll still be friends. It's that simple."

She bit her lip and I waited patiently for her answer.

Finally, she looked up at me and said one name.

"Angel."

I knew he would be the reason she didn't go through with this.

I knew a little about their history and I also knew exactly what to say to finish this.

"He can't give you a good screw like I can. Why pass up on the pleasure that he can't give you. You know what happens if he ever did. Everything would go to shit."

She looked up at me. I knew she was torn. She wondered if this would change our friendship or not. For me, it wouldn't. If she liked it, great, if not, we went back to how things were and neither of us would ever have to go there again if we didn't want to.

Hazel eyes locked with mine.

"Ok."

I grinned and leant down to give her a gentle kiss.

"I'm gonna make this so good for you, B."

She gave me a small smile.

"Just... one thing."

Buffy nodded.

"Sure."

I licked my lips, hoping she would do as she was told.

"You're very vanilla babe, just for tonight, let yourself go. If it feels good, do it. You get me?"

She nodded and I went back to kissing her gently.

"Alright then."

 **Author's Note- Ok, first chapter up. I haven't wrote anything as graphic as this before so let me know what you guys think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

 **Author's Note- Just responding to a comment here; don't worry, there's more to come as it goes along but I also gotta keep within the guidelines ;)**

 **Also, Faith has to ease Buffy into this. I didn't wanna just rush it and have Faith act like a total animal...yet.**

I had to restrain myself here. She was all innocent and gentle, and me? I wasn't like that.

I frowned as she looked up at me, placing a hand on the side of my face and stroking her thumb across my cheek.

She was looking up at me lovingly and I didn't know how to handle it so I did what I knew I liked and hoped she could keep up.

I leant down and took her bottom lip between my teeth, biting down on it.

She hissed and pushed me back, scowling at me.

I grinned. This, I knew how to deal with.

I ran my hands up her sides and watched as she closed her eyes, that scowl fading instantly.

"What do you want?" I whispered as I licked a long stripe up her neck to her jaw.

She moaned and I grinned against her neck, sucking the flesh into my mouth and marking her. I had a habit of doing that. I liked to leave my mark.

She grabbed the back of my head, yanking my head up to look at her and then crashed our lips together.

When I moved against her thigh, she paused and I knew something was wrong.

She wasn't sure anymore. So I stopped and looked down at her, licking my lips.

I wasn't going to force her if this wasn't what she wanted.

"You ok?" I asked.

She bit her lip and then nodded but there was hesitation in her hazel eyes as she tried to avoid my gaze.

"You want me to stop?" I asked, hoping and praying that she would say no.

She gripped hold of my shoulders tightly and shook her head.

"No..."

I knew I had to say something to make her feel more comfortable.

She was so vanilla and straight. The perfect daughter in the suburban home with sunny blonde hair and a model smile. It must feel strange to her to give into something like this when she was perfect and this probably didn't feel perfect to her at all.

She'd been raised like everyone else around here; get good grades, meet a man, have a family and have boring, meaningless sex for the rest of your life until you have children and even then you live a lie, pretending to be happy when all you really want is your youth back. It sickened me to even think of it.

I hadn't grown up with this installed in me like she had, so I did what I wanted, when I felt like it and it suited me just fine.

I smiled warmly at her and brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Just relax, ok? I got you." I said, using the softest tone I could.

She smiled and nodded her head slowly.

Looks like I'd have to hold off on having her keep up with me.

I had to keep reminding myself that this was her first time with a woman and I should be careful, in case I didn something that went a little too far.

I'd been there and back but B? She hadn't.

"Close your eyes."

Buffy did as she was told and I kissed her lips gently, moving slowly, my hand cupping her face and running through her hair. She kissed me back and I forced myself to keep it slow.

I ran my free hand down her side and kissed my way down her neck, feeling her shudder beneath me. I grinned as I ran my tongue slowly up her collar bone and sucked gently on her pulse point.

She moaned, writhing a little beneath me.

I felt her hands in my hair as I moved lower, kissing down her stomach and stopping before I went any lower. As good as it felt, that would freak her out for sure so I moved back up and rested my body flat against her's, letting her get used to the feel of me.

I kept kissing her, it seemed to be what she wanted at the moment.

Her hands ran down my arms and I shifted slightly so that we were now flush together.

She gasped and her eyes snapped open.

"Shh...I got you." I whispered, holding her to me.

She relaxed back into it as I licked at her neck again, I felt her arch against me and I clenched my teeth to keep some control over myself.

I moved slightly, causing a little friction.

"Oh Faith." She moaned.

God, I didn't think hearing her moan my name would make me feel like I could come right there and then.

I moved again until I found a rhythm that she matched and soon she was moving with me. I closed my eyes as I rested my head on her shoulder.

It wouldn't take long now.

She was just as strong as me and even though this was the gentle version, it felt better than anyone else I'd ever had.

"Faith..." She gasped as she started to tremble under me.

"It's ok, baby. Just let go."

"Oh my God...Faith, I think I'm gonna-"

"I know. Let go for me, baby. Come on." I urged her.

She quickened the pace much to my suprise and she came as her nails dug into my back, drawing light scratches on the tanned skin as she called out my name.

A little while after, I followed her too, collapsing against her.

I rolled onto my side and both she and I crawled under the sheet as she rested her head on my shoulder.

I stroked her hair gently with a serene smile on my face.

"You ok?" I asked her.

She nodded as she slung an arm over my waist.

"I didn't know you were gonna be so gentle." She said.

"I gotta be. I told you, babe, you're too vanilla for the hardcore stuff."

She chuckled.

We both fell into silence until she spoke up.

"So...is that it?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"You wanna go again?"

"No, well, maybe but I mean, what do we do now? Are we friends? What are we?"

Oh shit. I should have expected this. I knew we would have this talk sooner or later, I just didn't expect it to be this soon.

I licked my lips and steeled myself for whatever she was about to say.

"What do you want it to be?" I asked, keeping my voice even so she couldn't tell what I was feeling.

She sighed as she proped herself up on an elbow to look down at me.

"I don't know. It was nice. I enjoyed it. But-"

There it is.

I stopped her before she could say what I knew as coming.

"Don't sweat it, B. We're friends. I'm not what you call 'girlfriend material' anyway and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't fit into your perfect vanilla world."

She frowned at me.

"Would you stop saying that? I am not as 'vanilla' as you think."

I smirked.

"Yeah ya are."

"No I'm not."

"Prove it." I challenged.

"I just slept with you. I wouldn't call that 'vanilla'."

I shrugged. She had a point.

"Ok. Fine, you win. So what d'you wanna do now?" I asked casually.

She looked around the room.

I felt a bit embarrassed. It was a motel room; it was dingy and not very bright or pleasant. I wondered if that was what she was taking into account.

Instead, she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest.

She would leave in a minute. I could feel that her mood had changed.

So I got up, grabbed my underwear and slipped it on, along with my top.

"I guess you gotta go now, huh?"

She nodded as she held the sheet to herself.

"Yeah...I guess."

She felt awkward. She wasn't the only one, but there was no way in hell I was showing that to her.

"Look, B. It's cool. It happened but it doesn't have to mean anything, ok?"

She nodded her head slowly.

I scratched the back of my head and looked around before my eyes settled on her clothes.

"Look, um...I'll take a shower and leave you to get dressed ok? Then I'll walk you back."

"Oh you don't have to-"

"It's cool. I need some air anyway."

She nodded, seeming pleased that I'd kinda insisted. I knew she only said I didn't have to because she was being polite and I would still have to walk back into the bad part of town on my own but I was little more harder to fuck with than she was.

People looked at her and saw a pretty little blonde thing, ready to pick on but with me, I had that tough chick thing going on that told men if they so much as looked at me the wrong way, I could take them out without so much as blinking an eye.

I went into the bathroom and took a shower, hoping it was long enough for B to get ready.

When I came back out, she was ready to go.

We walked in silence for a while but it felt heavy and I wanted to make a joke out of it as though it was no big deal.

"So, was I good or what?" I teased.

B chuckled and blushed.

"Yeah, you were."

I felt proud of myself but if this didn't mean anything, why did it still feel strange?

"B, I'm not gonna tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about."

She turned to me then, eyes wide.

"Faith, no one can ever know what we did. I mean, what woukd they think of me? I've never-I mean, I didn't think I would ever go there and now that I have-if they knew-"

I held up a hand to stop her babbling.

"B, it's cool. It's our secret, ok? We had a great night, it was fun but that's all it was. We both walk away unscathed, cool? I'm not gonna say anything and we can forget it ever happened."

We started walking again and in silence again. Then Buffy spoke up again just before we neared her house.

"I don't want to."

I stopped and turned back to look at her, a small, confused frown on my face.

"Don't wanna what?"

She looked down at the ground and then back up at me.

"Forget. I don't want to forget what we did. It wasn't like you forced me. I wanted it to happen."

I nodded.

"Fine but I swear to you, B. It stays between us."

She smiled then and I felt some of the tension disappear to which I was eternally grateful.

We reached her house and she told me we would patrol again tomorrow night, try another cemetery and hope that we could stop some more undead nasties from rising.

I agreed with a nod of my head, then turned around and went back to my motel room, feeling a little cold.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It happened again.

It happened nearly every night or every other night, after patrolling.

Each time was different and each time, she wasn't so gentle.

It was like she was changing into something that had long since been buried inside her.

It was some, primal force that was being brought out in her and she couldn't deny it, no matter how hard she tried.

She didn't stay anymore though. She simply stood, up, grabbed her clothes, dressed then left, promising to see me tomorrow.

After a while, I started to feel strange.

The first few times we'd slept together, I'd felt like she cared about me but lately, I felt like I was being used.

I'm not saying I wanted her to love me or anything like that but maybe not to feel so much like a whore would be good.

Sometimes, I half expected her to throw money on my bedside table before she walked out.

I had been walking her home after too but now that had stopped and I wondered why she was being so different.

I sat there one night, after she'd left and thought things through.

I was always there.

Whenever she needed someone to get her off, there I was. I was a constant in her life, someone she'd gotten used to and because she knew I would always be there, she'd taken it for granted and even though I knew I couldn't let someone treat me like that, I stayed where I was because I felt like I meant something to someone; fucked up I know but hey, I'm not exactly the poster child for normal, am I?

One night, after a particulary rough session, I watched her stand and start to dress without a word, pulling her skirt up over her marked thighs, hiding the light scratches I'd made.

I sat up and flinched just a little. She'd bruised me this time. That was new.

I didn't want to ask her outright what she thought of me; did she know that I felt like she was using me? But I couldn't say nothing either.

"Buffy..."

She turned around after slipping her top over her head.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinkin', maybe I should get away for a bit."

She looked at me pointedly.

"For how long?"

"I dunno, maybe a week or so?"

She smoothed out her skirt and grabbed her boots, sitting back down on the bed to pull them on.

"Do you feel you need to?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Yeah...I think I do."

She stood again and then grabbed her jacket, slipping it on.

"Ok. Well if that's what you feel you need to do."

I frowned and licked my lips as I watched her grab a brush from her bag and run it through her hair a couple of times.

"Will you be ok? I mean with the...the slaying?"

She nodded.

"Sure. I did it before you came here. A week won't be much difference without you."

I don't know why and maybe I'd taken it the wrong way, but that hurt. Big time.

I tried something different, just so I could get my head around what she might be feeling if I did go.

"It might be longer." I tried.

"Ok." She said with a shrug.

The pain hit me. Hard, and I felt myself crumbling. That couldn't happen. I wasn't this girl. I wasn't the type to get all teary eyed because someone wasn't gonna miss me. I'd left plenty of people who said they'd miss me and I hadn't heard a word from them since. Why was B so different?

Instead, I let the hidden anger come to the surface.

"And what about when I'm not around for other things?"

She spoke to me distractedly as she dug through her bag for her keys.

"What other things?"

I stood, wrapping the sheet around me as I faced her.

"Oh I don't know, how about when you need a good fuck every once in a while?"

She could hear the bitterness in my voice.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

"Well since you asked-"

"You said this didn't have to mean anything, Faith. Those were your words, remember?"

"Yeah, I know but-"

"So what's the problem? It's just sex, right?"

She was right. It didn't have to mean anything and I was making it into a big deal but there was still one thing I had to ask.

"Are you ashamed of what we do?"

She took a moment to think about it and then shook her head.

"No. I do what I want to do and that's it."

"Have you told Willow?"

That got her.

"No...I wouldn't-"

"Why? If you're not ashamed of what you're doing, why wouldn't you tell your best friend what-or more accurately, who-you've been doing?"

Buffy frowned at me, well glared at me would be the corrected description.

"It's got nothing to do with her."

"True but as I said, if it's nothing to be ashamed of, why not say anything?"

"Because they don't need to know."

"They'd judge you, right? Holier than thou Buffy is fucking another Slayer and Faith of all people. She can't get off with Soul Boy so she gets her kicks with a Watcherless drop out."

Buffy's jaw tightened and I knew I'd crossed a line.

"You know what, Faith? I think it is good that you're going away for a while. That way I won't feel like I'm giving you a pity fuck because you're so desperately lonely!"

She stormed out then and it took all I had not to go after her and beat the living shit out of her.

Who the hell does she think she is?!

She thought I was a pity fuck?

That's it. I was done playing nice. I was through playing her game of gentle and being kind to fucking strangers.

She would play my game now. I just hoped she could make it in my world.

God knows it had broken me.


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

 **Author's Note- Faith plans to give Buffy a taste of her own medicine but what happens when she finds herself falling for the Slayer even more than she thought possible?**

 **Reviews are welcome.**

I went away, like I promised but staying away, knowing what I wanted to do when I got back, was driving me crazy. She would pay for the way she was treating me.

She wanted a whore? I'd give her a whore.

I hadn't gone far, just past the town border, staying in another run down motel until I thought I''d been away for long enough.

I held out for a week then took the bus back.

I hadn't really expected anything to change but I let Buffy know I was back, through talking to Xander.

I got a text the night I came back.

HEARD UR BACK. WANNA PATROL? X

I sighed as I read the text. No, 'Oh hey, glad ur back, hope you had a nice time, missed you.' Nope. Nothing like that at all.

 _Stick to the plan, Faith._ I told myself.

CAN'T. TOO TIRED. X

I hesitated before sending it, my reslove threatening to break. Should I? I wanted to see her but I wanted it to be on my terms.

Maybe just tonight I could cave and then tomorrow I would start being a little more demanding.

I grinned as an idea came to me. No, Id' start tonight. I would see her but things would be different.

Now I just hoped she'd argue the point, and in true Buffy style, she texted back.

TOO TIRED FOR ME? ;) X

I grinned at the text.

WELL WEN U PUT IT LIKE THAT...X

The text I got back was instant.

SEE U AT RESTFIELD IN 5 X

I grabbed my jacket and headed out to meet her.

As I reached the gates, I saw her perched on a bench. She looked different somehow.

She wore a black leather jacket, her jeans were darker and tighter and she wore a white crop top underneath. Had B done a little fashion change while I was away?

"Hey." She greeted me with a smile.

I only nodded and smiled back.

She hopped up from the bench and placed her hands on my hips.

"It's dead again tonight. Your place?"

I gently removed her hands and she frowned slightly, looking very confused.

"Can't shirk your duty just because you wanna get some, B. I say we stay out a while."

She pouted, that full bottom lip coming forward.

"And you think you can resist me for that long?"

 _Be strong. Be strong. Be strong_. I chanted over and over in my head.

I licked my lips and grinned at her.

"I'm gonna have to if we want to protect the good ol' people of Sunny D."

She frowned and this time she wasn't confused, she was annoyed.

"You've been gone a week." She said as though that should mean something.

I shrugged.

"So?"

"So? I've been going crazy without-"

"Without what? Someone to fuck?" I snapped. I couldn't help it. I'd promised myself I would play it cool but damn she managed to bring this out in me.

Her hazel eyes darkened. She then straightened and pulled a stake from inside her jacket.

"Fine. Let's kill some vamps."

We walked side by side. This wasn't what I'd wanted to happen. I needed to bring this back somehow.

"Look, B. I'm sorry, I'm just tired but I...I missed you." I admitted.

She glanced at me as we walked and I saw the smirk on her face. She felt like she had the upper hand again and I couldn't have that.

"You did? Where you pining for me every night you were away?"

I nudged her hip with mine, getting back on track.

"Yeah! I was missing that hot little ass of yours'!"

She chuckled but the knowing smirk faded and I silently cheered.

"So you're using me, is that it?" She asked but she was grinning again, teasing me.

No problem, this was the way I had expected it to go.

"You know how it is, B. We screw then you leave. No hard feelings."

She turned her head away but I caught the expression. She didn't like my flippant attitude. _Tough shit, cupcake, it ain't gonna go your way anymore._

We fell into silence again. I wanted some vampires to show, anything to kick or punch. I was better when I was full of adrenaline. I was ruthless and I liked the feeling of losing control. Unlike Little Miss Stick Up Her Ass who always had to be in control. I'd been finding that out the more time we spent together.

When the dirt shifted next to my boot, I thanked the gods for the chance to kill something.

I produced my stake as me and B stood back and waited for him to rise properly.

Looks like we both needed the same thing. Maybe B was more like me than I thought.

The vampire snarled at us, his yellow eyes glowing and fangs glistening wet.

He ran at Buffy and I watched as she delivered a nice upper cut to his jaw, sending him back and into me. I dished out a roundhouse kick to his mid-section and he fell onto the grass.

Buffy came over to him, stake raised when he jumped up and kicked her legs out from underneath her. Buffy went down hard and I glared at him, tackling him from behind and driving him back to the ground.

He looked up at me with fear in his eyes as I smashed my fist into his face. I kept on and on, inflicting as much pain as possible.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Buffy stand back and watch me.

She knew what I was like. She didn't know why I did this though. She didn't know that everytime I beat a vampire until he was weak and limp, I was thinking about all the bad things that had happened to me and I was taking it out on them.

That was when I heard her voice.

"Faith, that's enough."

She didn't shout but her tone was firm and it told me that I couldn't argue this.

I didn't want to listen to her. I wanted to do my own thing and stake the bastard when I decided but the vamp was nearly out cold and blood coated my fist.

I frowned and staked him instead, watching him crumble to dust underneath my hands.

I stood and pocketed my stake.

She looked down at my hand and grimaced.

"It's just a little blood, B."

Buffy kept staring and it made me want to hide it from her.

"It's your blood."

I nodded as I looked down. The skin of my knuckles had split open and my own blood was drying on my fingers.

B licked her lips as she looked at up at me uneasily.

"We need to get that fixed up. Let's go."

I went to follow her then stopped myself.

 _No. She doesn't get to decide what we do anymore, I do._

"It's cool. I'll wash it off in the fountain."

Restfield had a small fountain in the center and I could use the water in that to wash most of the blood off.

"Faith you could get infected. We need to clean it up properly." She argued.

Dammit she was right.

I sighed.

"Fine."

Buffy frowned at me again, this time in confusion.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Let's just see to this, all right?"

She didn't say anything more as we left the cemetery and headed back to the motel.

I watched her as she bandaged my hand up after she'd cleaned it with some disinfectant stuff that stung like a bitch.

"There. That should be ok."

"Well, you know Slayers, they heal fast, right?"

She nodded with a small smile.

She paused before saying;

"I should...I should probably go." But she didn't move.

I grinned, remembering my plan.

"No. I want you to stay." I told her, taking her hand and pulling her into my lap.

She rolled her eyes with a small smile.

"You should rest. You got hurt today."

"Yeah but like I said, I'll heal. Come on, baby. Tell me what you really want is to go home right now." I challenged.

She looked down at my hand covering her's.

"I guess I don't. You've been away and I've missed that."

 _'That'. She didn't say she missed 'me'._

Still, it gave me fire to go through with my plan.

"Yeah I bet you have." I chuckled.

She grinned and our lips touched just briefly.

That was all it took.

Within minutes we were stripping each other of our clothes, throwing them onto the floor as we clambered onto the bed.

She straddled me and grinned.

"Where do you want me?" She breathed.

Shit, this wasn't part of my plan! I was meant to be in control here but I remembered how good she'd gotten at going down on me so I parted my legs and gave her a wink.

"You know where I want you."

She didn't go in straight away thank God. Instead, she kissed my thighs, making me writhe against her.

She then crawled up my body slowly.

"God, what are you doing to me?" I whispered as her tongue drew circles on my stomach.

"Driving you crazy." She answered, her voice breathy, making me shiver.

"It's working."

Her hand came up and touched my breast and I groaned, arching into her touch as her mouth soon followed.

I dug my hands into her hair and held her there.

God, she felt so good, I didn't want it to end.

Her lips left my breast and she licked her way into my mouth, moaning as she did. I kissed her back and my tongue stroked her's slowly as we explored each other's mouths for the thousandth time.

She pulled back, licking her lips as she looked down at me.

I reached up and brushed my thumb against her bottom lip.

"God you're beautiful." I whispered.

Her expression didn't change. Instead, she lowered herself to where I needed her most and I felt her tongue flick against me.

My hands fisted in the sheets and I cried out her name into the motel room.

She pressed harder and quicker with her tongue until I was trembling.

My hands were in her hair once again as I held her in place, keeping her there.

This was just too perfect. It felt amazing and I knew that for as long as I lived, I would never find someone who made me feel like Buffy did.

I felt myself getting closer. She was moaning and it made me feel incredible.

"Buffy...Oh God, Buffy. I'm gonna-fuck, B!" I cried out but she didn't stop just slowed down her movements. God she was good!

As I came down from my high, B was just sitting up.

I smiled up at her warmly and the whispered words that left my lips would change everything for us.

"I'm in love with you."

 **Author's Note- So how will Buffy respond to that revelation? Stay tuned ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

I watched as she scrambled for her clothes, putting them on hurriedly.

I'd fucked up.

"B...can we talk about this?" I asked, sitting up in the bed where we'd just had sex and feeling like my world was ending.

"There's nothing to talk about." She muttered but her voice shook as she quickly pulled on her boots and searched for her jacket.

"Where's my damn jacket?" She mumbled to herself.

"Buffy."

The use of her full name made her stop her search and look at me.

I licked my lips nervously.

"I'm...I'm sorry. It just came out. I don't know what I was thinking, I just know-"

"Are you?" She said, unterrupting me.

"What?" I asked softly.

"Are you in love with me?"

My top lip curled back over my teeth in a half broken smile.

How did you respond to something like that? The truth? Or did you continue to live a lie because it would be easier than admitting to anything that could get your heart broken?

Buffy didn't feel like me. She didn't love me like I loved her and I knew that, so what would be the point in putting my heart on the line only to watch her crush it infront of my face?

No. I may have been careless with what I'd revealed but I wasn't a complete idiot.

I straightened, forcing myself to put that guard up again. Make sure I was protected.

"Would it matter if I was?" I asked instead.

B's face remained like stone, her hazel eyes going dark as she stared at me.

"You're not answering my question."

I didn't want to either.

I stood, taking the sheet with me and wrapping it around myself.

"Get out." I said firmly.

"Faith, I just wanna know-"

"I don't want to talk about this, Buffy. Now just...just leave."

She was stubborn and she stayed where she was. She folded her arms as her lips set into a tight line.

"No. I don't think I will. You were right the first time, we do need to talk about this."

I raked my hair back, wishing I was anywhere but here. I wanted her to walk out, without looking back but she didn't...She stood there, just staring at me as though her eyes boring into me were enough to make me crack.

And I did.

"You wanna know the truth, B?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't." She snapped.

My jaw tightened with the clenching of my teeth. God I was so angry! I wanted to lash out, hit something, anything! But the closest thing to me was her and I couldn't hit her. No matter what she did to me, I could never hurt her like that.

My eyes slowly met her's.

"I'm in love with someone I can't have. I know that. It's sad and pathetic and I've told you that with us it's just sex and hey, maybe for you it is but for me? It's a fantasy I get to re-live every night I'm with you."

Her lips parted and it looked like she wanted to say something. It would be better if she didn't. If she just turned around and left.

But this was Buffy and she always had something to say.

"Faith..."

Here it comes.

"I care about you, a lot but-"

"You don't feel the same. It's ok, I get it." I said, cutting her off. I didn't need to hear her say it. I didn't _want_ to hear her say it.

"It's just that-"

"Listen, B. I uh...I can't-I can't do this right now. I told you what you wanted to know. That's it."

She nodded her head slowly, finally relenting.

"Ok...maybe tomorrow...we could talk?"

I shrugged.

"Maybe."

She turned towards the door then stopped. I watched as her shoulders tensed and she turned around.

"I know this probably isn't what you wanna hear right now but it's only fair that I tell you; I was going to tell you that tonight...it-this, has to be our last night together."

I looked up at her. As if she couldn't break my heart enough.

"Ok." I said, trying to cover how I really felt.

"It's just...I'm-I'm kinda seeing Angel again. We're being careful though. He won't be losing his soul this time." She added hurriedly, as though this new little bit of information would make me feel any better.

I scratched the back of my head, feeling like someone had punched me in the face and sent me reeling into a whirlpool all at once.

I forced a smile onto my face but it was tight and I could tell that she knew I was faking it.

"That's...great. I hope it works out."

"Faith, you don't have to-"

"No, it's cool. I hope it works out. I really do."

Every word was a lie but it was enough to send her away and after she was done staring at me, deciding whether to make me talk some more or not, she left and I slumped down on the floor beside my bed and cried for the first time since I could remember.

I didn't know how to handle how I felt so I did what I felt was best. I stayed away from B.

I learnt her routine so I could avoid her. I hit all the cemeteries either before or after she did and I stayed out longer so that I knew had gone home.

Because of our Slayer connection, I could sense when she was near and this made it easier with the whole avoiding her thing.

One night, my solo patrol took me near Angel's mansion.

I got the stabbing pain all over again and my eyes filled up. I wiped at my cheeks angrily.

No. This wasn't me. I didn't get all weepy over some girl. This was stupid.

I watched as I saw a shadow on the wall and I knew that he was there. But was she with him? If she was, I couldn't do this.

I had never met Angel but I wanted to. I wanted to see what he had that kept her going back time after time.

I stopped myself as I looked at his front door.

If I told him how I felt and why, that would put B directly in it and he probably didn't know about what had happened between us or even what we used to do and how close we'd become.

 _But why doesn't he know?_ My brain taunted.

I frowned. I really didn't wanna get into this.

 _You know why...she's ashamed of you. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have worked so hard to hide you from them. Think about it, when was the last time you'd properly seen her friends? Talked to them? Hung out with them? You haven't. Not since all this started._

 _Face it, she's ashamed of you and you're worried about protecting her?_

 _You are a whole 'nother level of pathetic!_

My fists clenched at my sides and I stormed up to the front of Angel's mansion.

I went straight in, the door banging against the wall as I announced my presence.

Angel-I assumed that was him with the dark hair and brooding expression- stood, facing me calmly and putting the book down that he'd been reading.

A small knowing smile touched his lips. He knew who I was.

"You must be Faith. It's good to finally meet you." He said pleasantly.

I was still angry and I sneered at him.

"It won't be when you hear what I've got to tell you." My voice was like a growl.

He looked at me expectantly.

"There's something you should know about your little girlfriend."

His expression gave nothing away.

"She-" I stopped as the girl in question stepped forward. How had I not sensed that she'd be here?

 _Your anger blinds you to everything._

"Faith?"

She said my name like a question, but I could see the pleading in her eyes.

She knew why I was here and she was silently begging me not to say anything.

my gaze flickered from her to Angel and back again before coming to rest on Angel.

"Your girlfriend...she-she needs to take it easy out there, man. She's really been putting pressure on herself...I'm worried she could get hurt." I finished lamely.

Angel's smile grew by a fraction of an inch.

"It's good that you show concern for Buffy and I'm glad she has a friend like you to watch her back."

Aprroval from the boyfriend, that's all I needed. I thought with an inner eye roll.

I shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and backed away.

"That's all I needed to say. Great to meet ya, by the way."

My attention then turned to the blonde.

"B, I'll see ya round."

I let out a breath as I left Angel's mansion. God I was such an idiot!

I patted my pockets, hoping those cigarettes I'd taken from the shop early this morning was still there. I felt the box and pulled one out, lighting it up and sucking in the smoke to calm me down a little.

I heard footsteps behind me but didn't turn around. Now I was calming down and my anger had dissipated, I could sense it was her.

"Faith."

I turned around, blowing smoke out into the night air.

"What d'you want?" I asked but the hard edge to my voice was gone.

"I just wanted to say...thanks...for not saying anything to Angel about us."

I took another drag and blew it out again.

"It's cool. I was covering my own ass as much as yours'." I lied.

She nodded.

"I know but it-it meant a lot."

"Don't mention it."

I stubbed the cigarette out under my boot as I threw it down to the ground.

"I know you've been avoiding me, Faith. I just wanted you to know...you don't have to do that. We can still be friends."

I laughed at that. I couldn't help it, it was the first reaction that came to mind.

She flinched and took a step back, her nose wrinkling slightly.

"What's so funny?"

"You still wanna be friends?" I asked through my laughter.

She nodded her head slowly but said nothing.

The laughter died on my lips and my face lost the light expression as my eyes darkened and my lips grew tight across my bared teeth.

"I don't."

"No...you don't mean that. You said that you-"

"Said what? I don't remember saying anything to you." I was lying through my teeth and she knew it, hell, she was there when I'd said it!

"You said that you...you said you were in love with me."

I gave her a blank look.

"Nope. I don't remember saying that."

"No you did, you-"

"Look, B. Get this through your head; I don't love you, I never did and I sure as hell don't wanna be your friend."

Tears filled the blonde's eyes and I forced myself to stay where I was.

Her voice shook as she spoke to me.

"Why are you lying to me?"

"Because I've figured it out, B. Honesty is not always the best policy. I mean look at what I did. I opened up to you, bared my heart and you spat on it! I feel crushed everyday. I avoid you because I can't stand to be around something I can't have. I'm only still in Sunnydale because you're here, and even though I can't be around you, the fact that I live in the same town as you...it's enough. It's not what I want but it's enough."

Tears fell down Buffy's cheeks and unlike me, she didn't make an effort to hide them.

"Faith...I never meant to cause you so much pain. It was just meant to be a way that we could release some pent up frustration after patrol but if I knew how you felt, I swear I would never have-"

I glared at her.

"You're telling me you didn't know?"

Her eyes darted from side to side.

Bitch. She had known.

"Well I didn't know for sure-"

"But you suspected." I cut in.

Buffy licked her lips and shuffled from one foot to the other.

"I thought I was seeing things that wasn't there. I convinced myself that I was wrong."

"But you wasn't sure. Not one hundred percent."

"No-"

"And you went ahead with it anyway."

She frowned at me then.

"You're the one who said it was just sex! Nothing else, you said! No feelings, we both walk away unscathed! So you were lying to me too!"

"Oh as if I could ever have told you the truth! The only reason you found out at all was because I was getting the best fuck of my life and it slipped out!"

"So you never would've told me?" B asked.

"You're damn right I wouldn't!"

B shook her head.

"No, I don't believe you. It would've come out sooner or later and you would have expected me to fine with it."

I moved into her personal space.

"I would _never_ have told you how I felt. Never. You're too wrapped up in Angel to notice the difference anyway and by the way, I know he's got a soul an' all but he's still a vampire. Do you realise how fucked up that is?"

Buffy's jaw tightened and I knew I'd crossed a line.

"It works. We love each other." She gritted out.

"Yeah but you can't be together like a regular couple. That's gotta sting, and one day, he won't be able to take it. He'll leave you and I know you, B. You're making the best out of a bad situation and just waiting for the day when he ends it and you know he will."

She delt a hard slap to the side of my face and my head snapped to the left.

I tasted blood and raised my hand to lips; my fingers came away stained with blood.

"Touched a nerve, did I?" I taunted.

"You know _nothing_ about me and Angel. I love him and he loves me and we _will_ find a way to make it work."

I shrugged.

My face was stinging and I wanted to be away from her.

"Whatever. But when he ends it-and you know he will-you know where I'll be."

You know that horrible feeling you get when you've realised you've fallen for someone?

You're watching them talk to someone across from you and all of a sudden you smile or laugh at something funny they've said and then it hits you...it hits you hard and then things become strange but peaceful. Especially when they are completely clueless to how you feel.

On one hand, it feels a little forbidden, having a secret that only you know and on the other hand, it's destroying you that they don't know. But maybe that's not what destroys you, maybe it's the sick feeling you get that sits low in your stomach when you think about the possibility that if you were to admit how you felt, they could reject you and that fucks you up more than anything ever could.

So what do you do?

You play pretend and you live a lie. Of course, there's always some observant outsider who calls you on it and you always deny it, you lie through your teeth because you couldn't bare the thought of them finding out.

Part of you, a very big part, wants to tell them because some little delusional part of you thinks or more accurately, hopes, that they'll smile, hug you and tell you they've been feeling exactly the same thing.

Then you start a relationship with them which is all sunshine and roses and you live happliy ever after, right? Isn't that the way it's supposed to go? Everyone gets their happy ending?

Here's some cold hard truth for ya, not everyone gets their happy ending.

Instead, they get to watch the one they're in love with, meet and fall in love with someone who's not you and it breaks you, but you have to smile and act happy for them because if they knew, it could tear apart everything you've built.

So you attend stupid little outings with them, you talk to their significant other and act like you're so happy that the person you're in love with has found the love of their life when inside you're sitting there, watching them making eyes at each other and mentally stabbing yourself for not being brave enough to speak up or for being stupid enough to stick around and watch what you are sure, is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Luckily, I wasn't stupid enough to sit around and watch as B made her life work with Angel in it.

He'll break her heart, I know he will.

Anyway, I stayed away. Far away, and got on with my own thing.

Every now and again, when I went out to get some cleaning stuff or take-out, I would see him walking hand in hand with her and I'd keep a low profile and duck into the nearest, darkest alley I could find until they'd gone. But when I re-appeared, I saw B look back. She always knew I was there and because of the Slayer connection, that was something that couldn't and wouldn't change.

I saw her patrolling with him. They would take on vampires together while I hunted alone. I felt like I'd been cast aside and it hurt like a bitch.

One night, I'd made up my mind and decided to leave.

I was packing and was just finishing zipping up my duffel bag when a light knock came at my door.

I frowned at the door, no one came around here.

I slipped a small hunting knife into my back pocket and opened the door.

"B."

The blonde stood on my doorstep. Her eyes were smudged with mascara, she'd been crying.

I tried not to let myself feel anything as I looked at her. God, she was a mess.

"Can I...can I come in?" She sobbed.

I nodded and stood to the side, as she walked in.

I checked that no one else was around before I shut the door and turned to face her, arms folded.

"What can I do for ya?" I asked, a little flippant I know but I wasn't supposed to care, remember?

"It's Angel...he...he's gone."

No suprise there.

"Gone-dead-gone or gone-left-town-gone?"

"Left...left-town-gone." She sobbed and started crying again.

"What...what happened?" I asked, my tone softening a little.

"He said that...he said he couldn't give me a normal life and I said I didn't want a normal life, I only wanted him but he said it wasn't enough, that he'd stopped loving me and...that...that was it." She babbled through her tears.

I raked my hair back and sighed.

"Shit, B. That's rough."

She nodded in agreement.

Before I knew what she was doing, she'd closed the gap between us and wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me to her.

"Uh, B, I don't think that you should-"

"I need you, Faith." She sobbed, her mascara staining my white tank top.

"Uh...Buffy, isn't there someone you can talk to about this rather than me? What about Willow?"

She shook her head.

"She's out with Oz."

"Xander?"

"Uh uh. Out with Cordelia."

"Giles? Your mom? A neighbour?"

God I was grasping at straws here.

She frowned up at me but didn't let go.

"I only wanna talk to you anyway. Do you...do you not want me here?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea. I can't...be around you, and you're upset so you're not thinking clear-"

She kissed me then and I felt the desperation in it.

I broke it and stepped out of her hold, pushing her away slightly.

"Please...I know you're hurt but don't do this to me."

The dark tear stains on her cheeks had dried as she stalked towards me.

"Isn't this what you wanted? Angel gone? I'm here and you know what I want."

I backed up until my back hit the door.

"Buffy, please. I didn't want Angel to hurt you-"

"But you wanted him gone."

"It wouldn't have made any diference. You can't change who you are or what you want and you're only here now hoping for some form of cold comfort and Buffy...I can't give it to you. You'd only wake up regretting what we did."

She placed a hand just above my heart and grinned up at me.

"I want you, Faith. Aren't you gonna take advantage?"

I shook my head.

"No."

"But you want to. I can feel it. Your heart's racing."

I grabbed her hand and pushed it down and away from me.

"I said no."

"Your eyes are telling me something very different, Faith."

I closed them and raised my head as I felt her lips on my neck.

"Buffy...no, we shouldn't. You don't really want this."

I felt her fingers tightened around my neck and my eyes snapped open.

"No more talking."

I clamped my lips together as B grinned up at me.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll make this so good for you."

Oh God, I was going to hell.


	5. Chapter 5

**FIVE**

 **Author's Note- Ok guys, last chapter. Hope you've enjoyed it!**

It was as I thought it would be; fast and all fire. When I tried to be gentle, she would give me a harsh slap to bring my anger forward and make me take it out on her.

What she didn't know was that half the time I held myself back. I could've taken her head off for how many times she'd hit me, but I knew she was hurting so I let her do it.

Afterwards, she lay with her back pressed against me as I held her close, running my hand up and and down her arm lightly, thinking that maybe it would be calming for her.

But as nice as this was, it wouldn't last and she had to know that. I couldn't do this anymore.

I licked my lips and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You should go now." I said softly.

I felt her tense and her nails dug gently into my arm.

"Why? I'm happy. Aren't you happy?"

More than I have been in my entire life! I thought with elation but I pushed it aside and focused on what I needed to do.

"Sure but...this can't go on, B. You know it. I know it."

She turned around to face me, a deep frown creasing her brow.

"Why? This works doesn't it?"

I brushed a strand of blonde hair back from her head and felt myself cave. So I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, getting dressed.

"For now it does yeah, but you gotta think about things in the long run."

She sat up too and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder as I pulled my leather pants on.

"Why can't we just focus on the here and now and deal with everything else later?"

I sighed and gently touched my head to her's.

"How would your friends feel if they found out about us?" I asked slowly, hoping the words would sink in. We'd had a conversation similar to this before.

"They won't..." She said, faltering slightly.

"What if I told them?"

"You wouldn't." She said but she sounded less confident now.

"Why wouldn't I? I'm not the one who's ashamed of what we do, you are."

"Faith, you can't." She begged as I got up and pulled my top over my head.

"I think it's wrong that you're lying to them, B, and you know it is too. I think they deserve to know."

She grabbed my arm and I saw the panic in her eyes.

"Faith, don't. I have nothing left. Angel left me. You can't leave me too."

I wrenched my arm away.

"I can and I will."

"Why are you being like this?" Her voice shook.

I shut my eyes for a few seconds before I turned around to look at her.

It was now or never.

"Look, what we had, it was cool but hey, I've had my fun and I'm over it."

It was cold and I knew the words stung. I saw her eyes fill with tears and begged myself to keep strong.

"You're...over it? You said you were _in love_ with me."

"Yeah, I say a lotta things to get into a girl's pants or a guy's, depends on how I'm feelin'." I added with a shrug and a smirk, just to give her the impression that this was all just a game to me.

"Why are you pushing me away?"

She was full on sobbing now and I couldn't stand it. Still, I pushed ahead.

"Because this is what I do, B. Get some, get gone, remember?"

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she turned away from me.

"H-how could you do this to me?"

I frowned at her back, she couldn't see me so she couldn't see the pained expression on my face but I forced the heartless words out anyway.

"God, If I'd known you were gonna be this much of a clingly little bitch, I woulda' sent you packing months ago."

She ran then, fleeing from my room.

The door slammed shut and I bit down on my bottom lip so hard I tasted blood.

I let out a breath and slumped back down on the bed.

I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes tightly shut.

All I could see was her face. Those tears raining down her cheeks and the pain in her eyes.

She didn't love me, I knew that but it hurt her all the same.

I knew how it felt; she felt like she was losing everyone she loved and she felt that she was the reason for it. I could relate but that didn't mean that I could go back on what I'd said or done.

I'd made a promise.

For a few days, she kept her distance and by the end of the week, I figured that was it. But no, turns out B doesn't give up that easily.

It was dark and and the vamps were coming out in full force, maybe they were making up for all the times when me and B had a wasted night on patrol.

I had killed about five tonight and so when the next one jumped me, I was ready and flipped them as soon as they landed on my back, jumping down from the roof of some forgotten crypt. I raised my stake over their head and then widened my eyes as I saw it was B staring up at me.

"Jesus, B! What the fuck are you doing?!"

She stood and brushed herself off.

"Looking for you." She said but she didn't seem annoyed that I'd nearly staked her.

I pocketed the stake.

"You should be careful. It's been wicked hairy tonight." I said with an uneasy glance around.

"Yeah, I know. I've dusted three myself. You?"

"Five."

"Cool." She said with a nod.

I stood and folded my arms.

"So what do you want?"

She grabbed me, shoving roughly against the door of the crypt. It gave way under our weight and I nearly fell to the floor.

Her kiss was hard and brutal. She bit at my lip and fisted her hands in my hair as she licked her way into my mouth.

I was responding for a while, giving as good as I got. Fire with fire, I loved it.

Then I came to my sense and pushed her back.

She stood there, grinning at me.

"What're you doing, B?" I asked her breathlessly.

"Giving you what you want, Faith. You don't respond to feelings and light touches. You're an animal and that's what you need. So that's what I'll be."

She came at me again but this time I was ready and I dodged her.

"Don't fight this, Faith. I know you want it almost as much as I do."

I shook my head.

"I told you we're done." I growled.

Why did she have to make this so fucking hard?!

"No, I don't think we are."

I came at her then and gave her an open handed slap.

She reeled back and brought her hand to her face as it started to sting, she stared at me in shock.

"Now what do you think?" I sneered.

She shook her head and lowered her hand.

"You're denying what you really feel."

"And you're only here because you can't have Soul Boy."

I saw her jaw tighten. Beat on Angel, that was the way to go.

"That's all this is, B. He can't scratch that itch so you come to me. You've never had it so good and being with him is a one way ticket to hell but with me, it's just too easy. You take and take and take, until you're satisfied but I'd be willing to bet my last buck that while you're fucking me, you're thinking of him."

She actually roared as she ran at me, throwing a punch hard enough to knock me over.

I grabbed her wrist and spun her around so that her back was to me.

"The thing is, Buffy, no matter how many times we do it, you'll never get what you really want and that cuts you up more than anything I could ever do to you."

She clenched her teeth and drove her elbow into my face, sending me back against the wall.

"Shut up!" She screamed at me.

"Why's that, honey? Playing a little too close to home?"

She ran at me and kicked out. I jumped it and gave her a small grin.

"Ooh, looks like I am. Don't like the truth, is that it?"

"You don't know anything about me!" She shouted, her face contorted into pure rage.

"I know enough, sweetheart."

She then grabbed me and rammed me against the wall, her face inches from mine.

I licked my lips, teasing her.

"So what d'ya think? Still want me?"

Her eyes locked with mine.

"Yes."

She then gave me a bruising kiss that made me realise that no matter what I said or did, she wouldn't give up on this, whatever this was.

Then she backed off and gave me a small smile.

"I'll be round tomorrow night and this time, I'm hoping you won't turn me away."

I wanted her to come by. I wanted us to be together in whatever way she wanted but as I said, I'd made a promise, so I had to keep pushing her away until she didn't want to come back but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't killing me.

I knew what would do it.

That night, before she came round, I went to the Bronze.

I checked the crowd and found what I was looking for.

I danced with them, got in their space and they responded very well.

I was taking a huge risk here, I knew that, but B wasn't leaving me with many options. Scratch that, she wasn't leaving me with any options.

He was attractive. Dark hair, green eyes and he looked like at one time, he used to be a regular gym member.

He took me out into the alley and pushed me up against the wall.

"Not here." I breathed as he kissed me deeply.

He frowned slightly.

"I'm not here for that."

"I know and I know what you are." I told him.

He looked a little shocked.

"So are you like...into this?"

"I wanna have sex with a vampire, think you could help me out?"

He grinned.

"Hell yeah! But I can't promise I won't kill you after."

"I'll take my chances."

We went back to mine and we stripped each other as quickly as possible.

She would be here soon, I could feel it.

I climbed on top of him and he gripped my hips with such strength, I thought he would break the skin.

I clenched my teeth as I felt him fill me and I rode him hard and fast.

He laughed out loud into the room.

"Wow girl! You got some strength in you!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm a Slayer." I told him, my breath coming harsher and faster.

He stopped moving and I ground my hips against his, getting him to carry on but he didn't.

"You're a Slayer?"

"Yeah, so what? You gonna fuck me or talk?" I asked irritably.

"Why does a Slayer wanna fuck a vampire?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?" I growled.

He shrugged and kept going.

I had admit that it was probably because I was aware that I was having sex with a vampire but it wasn't doing anything for me, the only thing that was helping to get me off was how powerful he was.

I heard a light knock at the door and clenched my teeth, forcing myself to go harder.

His fingers dug into my hips and he thrust upward, matching me all the time.

His face went back to human form and I slapped him.

"No, I wanna see the vampire. Not the human." I snarled.

He then contorted back into his demon self, all yellow eyes and fangs.

He sat up and held me to him, his arms like steel bands around my back as he fucked me.

I started moaning, loud enough for her to hear.

I heard a click and then she came in.

He came and slumped back down on the bed, his face still in the visage of a vampire.

"Faith..." Her voice was small, hurt, broken even.

She glanced over my shoulder and saw the vampire laying there.

"What are you...?"

She licked her lips as her expression changed from one of confusion to hurt and pain.

I didn't say anything, just waited.

Then she turned and ran, slamming my door as she went.

I turned back to the vampire as he sat up slowly, his fangs glistening and an ugly grin on his face.

"Now I did say I was gonna kill ya after this."

I nodded silently, as though I was accepting my fate and maybe I should have but as he sat up, taking me in his arms once more and bringing his fangs to my neck, I plunged a stake I'd had hidden into his heart.

He turned to ash before me, a light dusting of grey on the bed.

I felt sick and disgusted with myself but it was the only way. I knew it would be.

I went for a long, hot shower, changed and threw away the bed sheets.

After about half an hour, I got another knock.

My heart started to race. If that was her, then all of this had been for nothing.

I couldn't sense her though so maybe it wasn't.

I opened the door.

"Giles."

He came inside and gave me a small smile.

"How are you?"

I shrugged as I shut the door behind him.

"I just fucked a vampire so I don't feel too great."

He nodded; didn't even flinch when I told him.

"I am sorry that you had to go through that but you and I both knew it was the only way she'd ever let this...thing you two have, go."

I nodded, rubbing my arms self conciously.

"Faith, I am sorry about all of this. I know how much you love her and I'm sure she cared about you-"

"You can save it, Giles. She only cared about me for one thing." I muttered.

"She cared about you in her own way, I'm sure. But I know Buffy, she would of made herself love you and that in turn, would have put her in danger. When Buffy loves someone, she puts herself in harms way to protect them, I trust you understand this?"

I nodded.

"I do and...and I don't want her doing that for me."

Giles smiled warmly at me and patted my hand.

"Will you be alright?"

I shrugged.

"Five by five."

He smiled again and nodded as he walked back towards the door.

"Thank you, for doing what you did. For ending things with her. It must have been excrutiating for you."

I shrugged.

"I made you promise, didn't I?"

He nodded but there was no smile this time.

"What will you do now?"

"Well I can't stay here, that's obvious, but I think I need to get away. I don't know where but maybe somewhere that's not so-"

"Suburban?" Giles interjected.

I chuckled a little despite how torn up I felt.

"Yeah, guess that's the word."

Without warning, Giles came forward and pulled me into a hug.

It felt strange and I instantly tensed but then as he stood there, holding me as a father would, I hesitantly hugged him back.

"I know you never felt like you needed a Watcher, Faith, but I need you to know that I would have been proud to have you as my Slayer."

I swallowed the rising lump in my throat and closed my eyes as he hugged me.

 _Proud_. That was a word I wasn't used to.

It felt good and for once in my life, I felt like I was good enough.

 **THE END**

 **Author's Note- Hope you guys liked this. Please review and let me know what you thought.**


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